Chapter 5- What It's All About

A friend of mine told me a story this morning about his daughter today that I think shall become one of my all time favorite stories.

Joseph was walking with his daughter, Julianna, when out of the blue, as is the way with children most times, she asked "Is God a boy?"

"No, God is not a boy," Joseph replied.

Julianna stopped in her tracks and looked up incredulously. "You mean God's a girl?!"

Joseph laughed and said, "No, honey, God is not a girl either."

Julianna paused a moment in contemplation. Then in a moment of poignancy and understanding, also in the way that children do, she turned to her her father and said, "Oh, so He's an amazing God."

There is a reason Jesus pointed out children as an example of the faith we NEED to have.

That faith was bolstered today in several ways, but probably the most impacting was hearing what God is doing in the heart of one of my oldest friends. He is a man who has been through some serious trials and I can see God moving mountains to get to his heart. It is encouraging beyond measure and I have faith that God will see him through.

To top it off, I witnessed a woman give her life to Christ today. She came here with a dream and God gave her a bigger one.

Many great things are afoot in God's kingdom.

Chapter 4- Lovin Up ON Ya

Whoo, boy! It can be exhausting to be motivated and inspired. Pace yourself Brandon. We don't want a burnout this early in the game.

Feels like the end to a very long day. Did some Mad sciencing (for those of you who don't know, my weekend job is doing science for kids' Bday parties). The kids were a handful today. Probably the rain. One really bright kid though. Usually when I ask the kids what kind of things scientists like to study I get answers like dinosaurs or bugs. This kid pipes in with "Astrophysics." Then later when Im talking about Isaac Newton he tells me that "there is one theory that he wasn't actually sitting under the apple tree but actually looking at it through his window." Gotta love kid geniuses.

Had a nice drive down to Long Beach where I spent the time priming my brain with movie ideas and other creative falderol.

Devotional tonight was a gigantic love fest. What a great thing to see everyone regarding each other as the new creations we are. Great point of the night for me, we're all trying to figure this out together. In the meantime, let's remember that we are still new creations and we need a little help figuring it out sometimes.

Best thing said to me tonight: "Everyone needs a little Brandon in a box so when they feel down they can open it up it he'll cheer you up." Coolest compliment ever.

Good burger at The Counter. My roommate popped a full pound burger into his maw like it were a tic tac.

2 Corinthians 5:16-17

PS Look at yourself! You're a miracle!

Chapter 3- More on Fruit

Amendment to my grapefruit analogy yesterday. My life is not a grapefruit (I'm gonna make a shirt that says that). I think we tend to think that a lot don't we? Work, work, work. Struggle, struggle, struggle and then we get to enjoy life (or enjoy the grapefruit as it were). NO!! I disown that lie!

Ecclesiastes is a fantastic book. There is a profound and painfully honest look into the human condition that can be found there. There is no sugar coating what Solomon was feeling. He's not trying to impress anybody or God with having "nice thoughts" about life and living. Read it. One scripture that stands out to me is 2:24, A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. this too, I see, is from the hand of God.

Oh, to find satisfaction in our work. We all gotta do what we gotta do, but we can find that pleasure and satisfaction by putting our work in context with where our aim is. That's a whole 'nother topic, but believe me it's worth gaining perspective on.

Today was a good day for connecting. I had lunch with a director friend of mine who has been in the business for years. That man has an amazing story. It's fascinating yet strangely tragic to hear his journey which seemed to spawn from a disillusionment of life and a desire to examine the facade that humanity surrounds itself with in entertainment. And despite the incredible things that he has done, I get the sense that he feels he hasn't found what his heart truly desires yet.

Anyway, he was incredibly supportive and it was just helpful to learn from his experiences and the turning points in his life which all seemed to involve being tried by fire and challenged and facing it without freaking out. I definitely need the challenge right now.

I then found myself involved in a conversation with a co-worker of mine and just kind of relaying my life story to him. He responded by saying "That's an incredible story!" And I thought to myself, "It is, isn't it?" See, I have this strange lie that I live with that my life is not exciting. That it's pretty dull in fact. It's a thought that in a sense has driven me to this little excursion. But I think God reminded me today that this little story I'm living IS attractive and speaks to the desire of people's hearts. We all have a story and the way we choose to present it helps define who we are.

Are you a good storyteller?

--reading more of the script today, helping a friend shoot a little vignette and watching Zombieland with friends tonight.

Chapter 2- Out of Body Experience

Well, despite feeling like I haven't slept at all the past two nights because of this ridiculously times cold (sorry also to Jake whom I share a room with) it's a really good day today. I think that's what getting out and trying to live a life worth living will do for you.

I woke up this morning and had a grapefruit. I used to hate grapefruit. It took me a good 10 minutes to cut it up and finally enjoy it, but isn't it like that with most things? Grapefruit as an allegory for my life. Takes some time and effort to get to the good stuff.

Then I made up a song about Coffeemate that was just for me and my enjoyment and not for you so don't even ask me to write it down for you cause I'm not gonna do it.

Then I had the opportunity to coach my roommate for an audition he has for Hannah Montana. I really enjoyed helping him out and I think I am pretty good at the whole coaching thing.

I had lunch today with Jay Minor (my pastor and all around swell guy) and had a really great conversation about life. You ever start talking and really get on a roll and know that you're speaking from passion and directly from the heart and somewhere along the lines you start to float up out of your body and look down at yourself talking and the joy and the life spewing out of you and you just think to yourself "Yeah, that's who I am! That's the real me right there! I like that guy!" Well, I hope you do and soon.

I'm excited today because I am realizing that right now in this moment I have already been giving what I've set out to achieve. I am living a passionate life full of inspiration. I think we can lose that perspective more times than not by focusing on the goal instead of the journey. And it may seem a bit anticlimactic, but think about that, whenever you accomplish something or meet a goal isn't there inevitably a letdown afterword? A feeling of disappointment, of "What now"? And why? Because the goal really wasn't the goal in the first place but to live FOR that goal was the thing that made it worth it.

I think religion teaches us that getting to heaven is the ultimate goal. To be honest, that doesn't excite me, just getting to heaven. What excites me is continuing the journey in heaven with God by my side free from any let down or disappointment. In the meantime I want to find a little piece of that here where God has already promised that we can have life to the full and run after our desires.

By the way, thank you to those who responded to my email (and those of you who didn't write but are still rooting me on). It was an overwhelming surge of support and I hope my journey inspires you to do the same with your life. I'm not saying everyone quit their jobs! I just want for you the inspiration I am feeling right now.

I realize there may be a few of you who hopped on this blog without knowing the whole picture of what's going on. Ill post my email on this blog so you're in the loop.

Anyway, just bought a microphone to start voice over work and now I have to get repros of my headshots and also read my friends script and start planning ahead. Tonight, attending the first singles conference meeting. That's exciting! Stepping into my new role as Entertainment Director!

Thanks for reading this. I'm sure there will be days where I won't have this much to say

Squirrel! (Seriously, I looked out my window and there's a squirrel eating a nut on my fence)


Here's my email:

To my friends and family,

First of all, I want to to express to each and every one of you how much your support has meant to me over the years. Your belief in me and the potential you see in me has made my journey thus far possible. Thank you for your kind words your prayers and your help through an incredibly difficult path. I recognize everything I have been given as a blessing and a gift and I never want to take these things for granted. Through grace and open doors I have been able to pursue my passion and I am eternally grateful for that.

I have realized recently that while my life is good and blessed there is part of my heart right now that cries out to be seen and revealed. Our lives were designed to be lived to the full and we must push it to the limits and take it to new places to truly fulfill what we were created for.

I feel I am right now at the brink of one of those crossroads. A place where God is nudging me out on the ledge and telling me to jump and trust that He will catch me and help me soar. It is a very scary place, but one I am determined to face in courage. I have no idea where God will take me and honestly I'm not even quite sure where I want Him to take me. Maybe that is part of the journey. Regardless, I feel I'm being called into a new story.

I am writing specifically to you because I know the power of having people who believe in me have my back and pray and just simply know what I am up to. That being said here's whats up:

I have taken a hiatus from Starbucks mainly to shake myself out my comfort zone and leave me with no excuse to pursue goals that have been on my heart but for some reason or another have never achieved. I know this journey goes much deeper than reaching specific goals. It is a quest to find my heart, to live passionately and to embrace desire. In the end my only real desire to be closer to God and to recognize the glory that He has created in me. To that end, these are the things I desire to unashamedly and fearlessly pursue:

1. To be cast in a pilot this year

2. To book 3 guest starring speaking roles in television series. (My target shows are Fringe, Big Bang Theory and Lost (5 episodes left to cast))

3. To be cast as a lead in a film.

4. To book 2 national commercials.

5.To launch my Voice Over career.

6. To create a series of short films

7. To finish writing a number of songs that are in bits and pieces and record them.
8. To put together an outstanding production combining the talents of my church.
9. To travel to El Salvador and serve our sister church and community down there.
10. To learn the guitar
11.To act on stage again
12. Creating dynamic mentoring relationships with the preteens that I lead and to instil in them a belief of their true potential and glory


Some might say lofty ambitions, but what's the use in dreaming if you cant dream big? These are scary dreams and there will be times where I will start listening to the voices that say "You're crazy" or "There's no way you can pull that off". All the "reasonable"voices. It's those times when I need to remember that they are right... I AM crazy. That's what people love about me and that's what I love about myself. And there IS no way I can pull it off... on my own. I need help. No one is that strong on their own. So I will rely not on my own strength but on the strength of others and on the strength of God and whatever comes I will have known I have accomplished it in faith.

I truly, deeply love all of you and even if nothing comes from this I know I have your love. But I know SOMETHING will. And that's the exciting part. For my part, I believe in each of you. I believe that whatever dreams you have they are worth having and they are worth fighting for. Fight on! Let's fight together!

Okay, now for that scary SEND button...

Love
Brandon

PS Oh, just to make it even scarier, if you want you can follow my progress here: http://aheartawake.blogspot.com/

Chapter 1- Time to leap

To be quite frank, I'm terrified. No joke. This is probably the most scared I have been in... my life. I really have no idea where this journey will take me. That's not to say I don't have goals or plans of some sort. However, those are ancillary (I just learned that word. I'm having fun using it). They are means to an end. The end part is the big mystery. On the flip side, it is incredibly exciting to hop in the proverbial cab and just say "Drive!"

The purpose of this whole mess is really to dig down to my core and find what my true desire is so I can live from it and rely on God to realize it with me. Note WITH me not FOR me. I am not alone in this little adventure.

I think what got this whole thing started was a book I was reading a couple of months ago called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." Incredible, profound book. I highly recommend it! One of things that stood out to me was when the narrator was trying to pinpoint the definition of what a "story" is. In the book, his slightly phlegmatic friend turns and says "A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it." Hold on... Let it sink in. Simple, yet too entirely true. And I thought to myself "Huh. What DO I want?" I can't be in a story if I don't know what I want.

So here I am. On a journey for what I want. A search for a story to be a part of and to unveil the glory God has created in me.

Oh, so what have I done today? Well, I met with some friends for lunch, brainstormed on a project it would be fun to work on together, had a really good Koo Koo Roo Caesar Wrap, came home, had some quality time with God, played a little "Assassins Creed 2", faced a pretty stifling fear which I have been struggling with for quite a while, spent some time with Billy and Isis and then sent out an email containing what my goals for the next two months are... Oh, and began a blog.

I think the scariest part of this is the thought of coming out at the other end of this not having accomplished anything. However, that is already an unreality. I've already faced some pretty intense fears. It's all downhill from here right?