Chapter 23- The Trouble with Dreaming Big

Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of bed. Its comfortable and usually I am waking from some pleasant dream that I don't want to end however weird it may be. Like riding a rollercoaster that goes from Los Angeles to my old high school with the cast of You Can't Do That on Television. I mean, that's something that you want to see through to the end. However, most of the dreams I have I can't remember. Only that I don't want them to end. And that's so frustrating, the forgetting. You know that they are going to fade fast and there's not much you can do about that. It slips.

Forgetfulness is an insidious enemy and one of our greatest. It seeps into our lives. We're given a dream, a focus and we set out to pursue it and all of a sudden we're walking a long and we don't know where, what or why. Have you ever gone into the other room to look for something and when you got there you have no idea what you were searching for to begin with? It happens on a grand scale. We need to be reminded. God knows that. He had the Israelites sing songs to remember. They still forgot. It's what communion is all about; remembering.

I have to remember what God has done and more importantly IS doing. Forgetfulness is the death of dreams. Ingratitude is the enemy of inspiration.

Guys, I ain't gonna lie to you. It's getting harder and the doubts are coming fast and furious. The usual self-sabotage seems to be on the brink of taking me out. It's important that you know this. Most of my blogs come after the battle, after I have regained a level of composure and perspective. I am writing right now as one in the thick of battle. Like a war reporter in a fox-hole with bullets flying and bombs booming. I don't intend to give up the fight, yet I admit a fear of ending up a casualty of war and of being hurt again. Guess that's the risk.

Here is what i can rely on:

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..." -Phil 1:6

I know God started this. And He will finish it for His good will.

These are the good things I can be grateful for:

One of my best friends is making some key decisions in his life to have a relationship with God.

I received word that the writer for "The Cove" (the academy-award winning documentary)wants to meet with me and Todd to talk about our project. That's just ridiculous!

Tonight I went to my first voice-over workshop. What an ego-boost. When someone says to you " I don't know why you're not working in [this field]" that's a good sign. Next step, demo reel.

There are many more, I know, but I'll stop there and just sit and be grateful.

Chapter 22- Blue Boogies

This stone is slowly starting to roll. We have a budget. Oh, the headache of wrapping my mind around financing. A lot of spreadsheets and numbers! And then yesterday spending a few hours delving into the deep, deep waters of grants and funding. Soooo many avenues! Anyone want to give us a few thousand dollars? It'll be a tax write-off.

I'm really getting excited about the bigger picture of this company. The vision continues to get bigger the more I talk to others about it. Picture a place devoted to works of art in all mediums. A studio/gallery/performance space/cafe. That's the shape this dream has taken. A place that promotes creation in honor of our Creator. Still working on a name.

My hiatus from work is over half way over. I definitely feel I have started something here and I'm grateful for the time I have been given to be able to do it. I have come a few steps closer to my goals for the year and I'll update you soon on where I am at with those. More importantly, I am moving and as I said yesterday I am allowing myself to be guided.

I'm sure you're wondering about the chapter title. One, it's to see who's actually reading these. For those of you who are (Sarah, Bry), I know you'll appreciate this. I was... "excavating" today (don't give me that face, I know you pick your nose all the time) and noticed that my "treasure" was blue. I was like "Why in the world is this blue?" And then I remembered that I was making blue Kool-Aid yesterday and I inhaled a bunch when I dumped it into the pitcher. Only explanation. And no comments about me being all Hollywood and gettin into that crazy blue nose candy. Although in a way it was... Anyway, that's probably TMI for most of you. Sarah, finger out of your eye. I wish I could make a spiritual correlation to this story, but I got nothing. Just a day in the life.

Chapter 21- Artex: A Cautionary Tale

If you're wondering why I haven't been writing, this is the best way to describe what my day was like yesterday:



Yep, Swamps of Sadness. That pretty much sums it up. And really there wasn't much to be sad about. In fact quite the contrary. But when warfare is on it's on and the Enemy was throwing it at me hard yesterday. I went throught the gamut of emotions: loneliness, hopelessness, doubt, fear, envy, the works. I just felt like shutting down and sinking into the sludge. And I started to do just that. Things seemed beyond my reach and I felt incredibly overwhelmed. It's that paralyzing fear come back again.

Fortunately, I did not suffer the fate of Artex and instead decided to listen to the Atreyu in my life, which happens to be God. "You have to try. You have to care! For me, you're my friend, I love you.... You gotta move or you'll die!!" Alright, you may think this is incredibly cornball (my friend Tori doesn't call me Cornbread for nothing) but seriously let those words sink in as coming from our Maker. That's intense right there.

You have to move or you'll die. Can you relate to that? I can. I was telling someone the other day about the fact that I am in new territory here and I can deal with it in a couple of ways: sit around waiting for the conditions to be right or start moving and dealing with whatever comes as it comes. It's much easier to guide something that is in motion than something that is static. It comes down to simple physics. We are never fully ready for anything. Most things we do just need a little bit of momentum to get us going in the right direction. And every day is a new day that is in need of a little extra push. Kind of like rowing a rowboat.

What I know is that I desperately need the armor of God. It is a battle out there and I am not going down without a fight. I thank God for the army I surround myself with daily and the weapons God has given me to withstand the hordes and after everything has been hurled at me, to stand in his presence.

Chapter 20- Feelin Legit

Exciting day yesterday! Went up to meet with Scott about the doc he is interested in working with us on. It's kind of interesting being in these first stages of development. Our goal was to listen to what he was looking for and present to him what we needed in order to do just that. Ended up that what he wanted would require a ton of work from us, so we basically told him we need equipment and we need compensation for our time so money is going to have to come from somewhere. It was kind of my first time really asking for anyone to fund me like that. Well, on that level anyway. I get the sense that he doesn't really know what it takes to put a film like this together. And neither do we for that matter. But I can tell you this, it ain't cheap as free.

All in all I feel good about our first production meeting on this and cant wait to get crackin on a budget and also figure out the direction we want to go with the film cause there are many we can choose from. Also looking forward to going back up to Santa Barbara and spending some time there.

After we got back, I went straight over to a sleepover the preteen boys were having. We had a great time throwing them around and playing games and just getting some bonding time in. Very grateful that I am in this ministry. Best line from last night: "He cheesed me!" - Chandler after Cray put Handi-snack cheese on his face for falling asleep first.

Chapter 19- Along for the ride

Going to meet someone who may want to hire us to shoot a documentary about his cousin. When I say us I actually mean Todd. He's the one with the contact. The guy called me tonight, though, and was asking a ton of questions to which I had little answers. I got the impression that he thought I knew more than I do. Well, we'll see how it goes tomorrow. The guy is an interesting character. I'm a little bit trepidatious but the trip to Santa Barbara whould be fun. Here's to having no idea what we're doing!

[Checked out a book today: The Complete Film Production Handbook]

Chapter 18- Part II

I'm noticing that the desire to keep these blogs current is waning at an exponential rate. I'm trying to write at least something every day, but it's taking more and more discipline to sit down and type. I've also been battling spotty wireless at my house which doesn't help. But I think it's the times where we feel like we're losing a grip on the fight when it's the most critical to push through.

I was talking with a friend the other day about just that thing and she made a great analogy. First off, it was a Lord of the Rings analogy which already goes a long way with me. But she said something she's noticed is that while she likes all three of the films she really likes the first one and LOVES the third one, but as for the second one she likes it but doesn't have any desire to see it a second time. The reason, she says, is that it's that middle part of the journey that she doesn't care for so much. The first movie is filled with excitement and something new and heading off toward adventure. There's a sense of the unknown and of beginning that appeals to the characters and to us. The third film holds fulfillment and resolution and a realization of dreams. There is a joy and a completeness. The second film, however, is all about the struggle. She pointed out that even the tone and colors are darker and more treacherous. There is betrayal and heartache and just all around strife. It's the part of the story that we want over real fast. Let's get on with the happy! BUT it is probably the most crucial part of the story. Without it we wouldn't get from part one to part three.

To have a clear picture of what God is doing with our story we need to find out where we ARE in our story so we know how to guard our hearts and place our hope. I feel I am still beginning my journey, so guess what? That second part is going to come. I can count on it. I can also be ready for it.

"Yay! We can do it! We're awesome and we have each other!!"

"OMG! What the...? Are you kidding me!?! We'll never get through this."

"We did it!... YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Chapter 17- New and Improved

You ever notice our obssession with new things? We LOVE new things. New fashions, new technology, new cars, new jobs. Problem with those new things is that as soon as you aquire them they start getting old and then its on to the newer thing. Why do we live with this constant desire for newness when God certainly knows it will never be satisfied? It's chasing after the wind. Yes, old things break down and we need to repair them or replace them, but let's face it, we discard things far before they are beyond their usefulness.



My computer right now is old and outdated. And by that I mean 5 years old with Windows XP. It is slow and buttons are broken and the screen is dirty and the CD drive doesn't work. Also, I'm sure it is lousy with viruses. I just want to toss this thing aside and get something better, faster, stronger. It still works and serves its purpose, but it doesn't "fit" in this day and age.


To understand this desire for all things new we first need to understand that God is obssessed with new things too:



You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24



No wonder we strive for the newest thing. It resonates deep within us. Our lives are the broken things that need to be replaced. Our minds are the computers being filled with the viruses of the world and so we LONG to be made new. God has a plan to make us new and we need to be taught cause it don't come naturally. And the amazing thing is we are destined to receive the new bodies:

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 3:21-22

That's exciting! To have new bodies that are free from death and decay. No more getting old and breaking down. And what's even better is that He will make ALL things new.

In the meantime, let's focus on making the "attitude of our minds" new. To see God in new and refreshing ways. Its part of my dream for the production company.

Oh, and a new computer wouldn't be so bad either.

Chapter 16- Kumbaya?

Tonight I attended my first quincanera. That is quite a fun word to say. It was for a young lady who I knew since she was one of my preteens. I did not however know before today that it was in Whittier. I also did not know that it was a masquerade party and that these things tend to be formal events. Fortunately I had enough time between work that I could go home and rustle something together real quick. I did not have a mask on hand, which I know, yes, is out of the ordinary. I mean, who doesn't keep a mask around the house for such an opportunity like this? So, I fashioned one out of a paper bag. I have to say I think my mask was the best one there.

It was really great to see her friends support her by learning a dance that they hadn't even heard of before now and committing themselves to learn for weeks just to encourage her. The dance was a traditional Columbian dance called the Coombya or something like that which sounded to me like Kumbaya so that's what I called it. This girl is amazing, by the way. She has the biggest heart you could possibly imagine for a teenager. She's so giving and thoughtful and joyful. It's incredibly convicting to see that in someone so young. Incidentally, she'll be getting baptized tomorrow. God has great things planned for her. Her sister is in preteens now and she is every bit as loving and joyful as her sister.

I was discussing with a friend of mine how growing up is so unpredictable. You can be the best parent in the world and your child could still wind up running down the wrong path. And on the flip side, you could be a horrible parent and that child could blossom into a tremendous individual. It all depends on the spirit and the path that God has laid out for each of us.

It's funny, I grew up with incredibly loving parents who supported my love and passion and believed in me and I was surrounded by friends who did the same. Yet I still battle with so much insecurity and fear of failing. It's a weird paradox. And a lot of it has to do with how each individual interprets the world around them and how that in turn shapes their behavior. I have come along way and I believe it was part of God's plan to shape me like He did so eventually I would seek Him and take the question of my worth to Him for an answer rather than others.

That's part of my heart for the preteens, to give them a background of understanding to grow up in and to battle the lies that settle in at such a crucial time in their development. I know its not my job to save them, but I can be present with them and love them.

Chapter 15- Of Love and Taxes

Who says comedy and tragedy don't mix? Let me tell you a funny and sad little story. I went to get my taxes done today and I was told by my accountant that my refund would be around $5000. I know, right? I was shocked. I practically skipped out of there. Well, I'm heading down to Carson and I get a phone call from my accountant. "I'm terribly sorry. I made a bit of a mistake. Seems like I put one too many zeros when I was calculating your refund. You'll actually be getting only $300 for your refund."

Here's what I'm grateful for: that I don't OWE money. And we'll leave it at that. Except to say that I'm kind of peeved that the government never told anyone that they would be withholding less from our checks and therefore our returns would be significantly affected. Oh well.

On a brighter note, Todd and I had a very good meeting tonight. We have definitely decided on doing a documentary with what I think will be a ground-breaking topic. More news to come. And we're well underway in hashing out the mythology behind our fantasy epic. Every journey begins with a single step.

It's pretty crazy. My goals started with getting some guest starring roles and a commercial or two and maybe learning the guitar and God has taken those dreams and added to them making them much bigger than I could have possibly dreamed. This is only the beginning.

Chapter 14- The Smallest Pebble...

...still contributes to the biggest mountain.



The truth is I got plenty done today. Most of the day was spent figuring out my new recording program I got to do VO auditions. Then I practiced reading copy of auditions that came in through my agency and basically playing around with different character voices.



It's funny the lies that the Enemy gets you to believe. I made some significant headway into achieving one of my goals and I end up thinking to myself "Boy, I just wasted away a good chunk of my day on this stuff." Do you see what he did there? He made me think that my dream was a waste of time! I hate his ugly face, I do! Sometimes going through those first tedious tasks of the journey seems like a waste of time. But they are necessary. I've been telling you that my guitar is improving. That too can seem tedious and sometimes I can't conceive of ever getting to the point where I can sing and play at the same time comfortably. The Enemy wants us to think that it's too hard and it's a waste of energy cause whats it all gonna mean anyway.



God sees even bigger than our dreams and if we pursue them He will open up greater things still. He wants to know that we have the heart of a dreamer before He entrusts us with His.

God blessed this day. I was even able to help a friend with a music video project.



Not backing down.

Chapter 13- I Eat Impossible for Breakfast

As Don Quixote once sung "To dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe, to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go..." (by the way, I just looked up the lyrics to that song. Wow. Has to be one of the all time greatest songs ever written. Look it up, listen to it. Here, I'll help you:




Bryan Stokes Mitchell is a tad phenomenal. I am feeling the fire my friends. Tonight it is strong. My apologies for not writing yesterday, my internet was down.

I just came back from a day spent with my friend Todd and boy what a day it was. First off, he's been undergoing some MAJOR persecution and discrimination at his school and when I met him this morning he was in the foxhole. It's crazy to see very clearly that God orchestrates the right kind of help at the right time. I know I needed to be down there with him today. I believe God worked it out to bring him through the trenches and come out victorious. And by victorious I don't mean over any person but over his heart. It was a very dramatic day but I witnessed warfare at its finest.

After all that, though, we got to sit down and basically have a dream session. We layed our hearts out on that tiny coffee table in a corner of Starbucks and that in turn overflowed into the parking lot. It had an energy to it that fanned the flame in both of us. We discussed our hopes for this production company and began to map out the first stages of the direction that we see it taking. We decided that rather than shoot a feature this summer we want to focus on a quality short film that will give ourselves something to cut our teeth on and possibly fuel other endeavors. We have many ideas, but the one that is speaking to my heart right now is a sci-fi genre film on par with Star Wars or The Matrix. Creating an epic story with epic themes. I've always been a sci-fi and fantasy geek and I believe we have the capability to create something monumental. So, that's what's on my mind. Right after I finish this I will start hammering out ideas. I'm praying to God to open up the flood gates and let the creativity flow.

The other thing we discussed is finding a name for our company. We want something that invokes a simple yet powerful idea. Something that says "Here are a couple of guys who have little more than a dream and not a clue where to begin yet their faith will guide them." Part of our mission statement is to reveal God in the hearts of men. To stir the heart with noble themes. So, any ideas are welcome. To name something gives it power.

As you can see, I am super excited and I really do believe God is working and will bless our fervor if we stand strong and in Him. I told you before that God is moving the hearts of His people and it has been reaffirmed time and again by listening to the hearts of others, even our own ministry staff. It is time to dream again, folks. Let your heart cry out. God will listen and He will answer. Here's our sermon from this past Sunday. Tell me if it doesn't stir something inside you:

http://sc.fhview.com/sc_customplayer/seriesitems/1/119126 (Watch Snap Out of It)

"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” -Queen (Which ironically enough was a line given to Alice in the new movie)

Chapter 12- Changing World

Tired. Did a staged reading. Was good to be performing.

I love songs that say it all:





Enjoy!

Chapter 11- Hot Tub Cunundrum

Tonight I will attempt to make a positive sandwich. You know that technique where you sandwich something negative with two positives? So...

This morning's lesson with the preteens was great. I had the kids play a game and while they were playing I had one girl go around trying to get help with finding her "missing earring." The whole lesson had to do with what I was talking about yesterday about being focused on what we think the great reward is and having to face inconvenience and meet the needs. I think they got a lot out of it.

I am trying hard to digest something right now. I just found out that two of my roommates are moving out. Now, on the outset, that doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I just moved myself. But for some reason it hit me in a sensitive place. I am dealing with a lot of emotions right now that are not quite rational. But one thing I know is when we react irrationally to something it usually means there's more to it than meets the eye.

The only word that felt right to me in the moment was "abandoned." Crazy, right? But when I looked deeper there was something there. It took a lot of thought and prayer to make the decision to move here. I felt God wanted to put me in a new situation to help me grow. So when I finally made the decision I felt confident going in and ready to adapt and settle in. A month later my roommate moves out and now I find that two others are moving out. What I'm tempted to feel is this wasn't the right decision afterall. If everyone else is bailing something ain't right. It's a bit like joining your friends in the hot tub and right after you get in they decide to get out.

I know mentally not to take it personally, but to tell you honestly with all the other changes going on in my life right now I just don't want to handle any more. I don't want to deal with figuring out a new household dynamic. I was hoping that there would be some stabilizing factor in my life while I deal with everything else. It's overwhelming. And I can feel myself shutting down and checking out. I can easily go to just giving up cause that's what it SEEMS like everyone else is doing. Again, a lie, but tell it to my heart. My interpretation is "FAILURE." And that resonates to a deep pain in my heart.

Fortunately, I have people, even my other roommates who won't let me give in to those lies. The other thing I am grateful for is understanding the significance in what I'm feeling. It tells me that living in a close household that is helping each other and in turn helping God means a lot to me. I'm not just sharing a space with other people in between work and sleep.

So there it is. I may not think its fair, but there it is to deal with anyway.

In other news, the Oscars were great and inspiring and made me realize that part of what I want is to push the boundaries of what I believe I am capable of just to see if I can and to make an impact on people with what I have to offer. The greatest stories come from the things that work out against all odds.

God is still God, and I am still the mess that needs Him.

Chapter 10- The Gift of Inconvenience

I found myself slightly irritated and frustrated today due to a miscommunication in scheduling for Kids Point (which is our Sunday youth service). The short of it is, I found out today that I need to prepare a lesson which as of 10:30pm I have nil.



You can always see just how selfish and entitled you feel you are when you are inconvenienced. You immediately go to "Don't they have any respect for my time?" And you huff and you puff but the fact remains that there is a need and guess what? You've been called to meet it.



I was reading today in Matthew the story of the brothers who's mother asks Jesus to place them beside his thone. Jesus' response was "Can you drink the cup that I am about to drink?" and then goes on to say what true greatness is and that it comes in the form of servitude. And servitude by its nature is completely selfless and ready to give up all rights for someone else. Funny how God prepares you to face life's trials isn't it? Here I am on a quest to find something great for my life and some little thing comes up so seemingly trivial and mundane that just seems like a hassle. It's these things that matter to God. He's looking for heroes to champion the trivial and mundane. Jesus' disciples rebuked people who to them seemed to be pulling Jesus away from a grand destiny yet Jesus rebuked them in reply and demonstrated what true greatness was by putting others' needs before his own. By seeing clearly what mattered.



I think I have my topic for tomorrow.



[Practiced guitar today. Getting noticeably better]

Chapter 9- Awakening

There is a stirring right now. I see it in the eyes and hearts of others I've talked to. I'm not the only one who is being "stirred by a noble theme." It reminds me of Stephen King's "The Stand" when people from all over are called to Nebraska. They don't know what exactly is drawing them but they know they are being pulled toward one goal. Strange parallel I know and I'm not going to Nebraska any time soon. But I feel God is definitely drawing people together because there are other people who are feeling an awakening.





It's good to know you have support and people who believe in you. It's another thing entirely when you have people who share your vision and want to step out and fight with you. Or even that you can join someone else's vision. I am looking for that band of brothers (and sisters for that matter) who are itching to do great things for God and willing to step out of their comfort zone as well.





My friend, Todd, is on board and we have been talking about the kind of project we feel is worth making. He has a lot of great things happening in his life right now, a lot of doors opening and a passion for making things happen. It really is just a matter of time. Every journey begins with a single step and we're taking those bold first steps.





I'm still searching and listening for the desire that God has put in my heart. Trying to strip away everything to get at the core. It's the art of elimination, as Rob Bell says. It's about looking at the stone and knowing there's something inside groaning and fighting to come into creation and then little by little chipping away to set it free.





At this seminar Bell was speaking at , he gave the whole audience a bar of soap and asked us to take it home and carve something. I have never carved anything in my life before save marshmallow sticks and a pinewood derby once. But I was excited to jump in anyway (which by the way is another lesson entirely. We're never truly ready for anything). So I looked, I envisioned and I started carving away. Here is what was inside:

It's a little blurry, but I think you can get the picture. Seems to symbolize this journey for me. The leap of faith and knowing God has His hand out to catch me. If you'll notice, I kind of chopped of the right arm of the dude. I was disappointed at first but then thought, "We all have our imperfections" and then just kept carving away. Ironically, right after I took this picture it fell and broke. And that's okay too.

Keep searching. Examine the things in your life and figure out the meaning you give to them. Do they add to your life or are they merely distractions? Chip away the things that don't lead to fulfillment. Learn to live with the imperfections and thank God that won't understand perfection in this life. All we know is this "because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." We've already overcome, yet He is still working on us. Still chipping away until we become what He envisioned us to be.

Check this song out. Listen to the lyrics:

Chapter 8- Door to Door

I am wiped like a grape juice spill at a Sham-Wow convention. It's everything I have to sit and type right now. But the blog must go on.

Today was a productive day. I had lunch with one of the girls from my Power Group on the Warner Brothers lot and afterwards wandered around the studios aimlessly. Well, not completely aimlessly. One of the challenges in our Power Group is to meet 40 casting directors in a month. How do I do this? Well, there's many ways, but one way is to physically visit the offices. Kinda like old school door-to-door stuff. It's kind of intimidating... No, it's REALLY intimidating. See, I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to step on anyone's toes or intrude so walking in to places to drop my headshot off can be a little bit scary. But since I'm in the business right now of facing my fears I dropped into a couple of offices and left my headshot with them. It really wasn't that scary once I started doing it. Everyone was really rather nice... to my face anyway.

After that I helped another friend prepare for his audition and then went to audition myself for a workshop studio. Both went well. I signed up today for a workshop with Jason Lapadura who casts Heroes. One step closer.

In other news, I'm weighing the pros and cons of an opportunity that presented itself.

That's all I can manage today. More to come.

Chapter 7- 101 Uses for Wood

"...prevail upon a man to join in any amusement whatever, and as long as that lasts he will be happy; but it will be a false and imaginary happiness, arising not from the possession of real and solid good, but from a levity of spirit that obliterates the recollection of his real miseries, and fixes his thoughts upon mean and ridiculous objects, unworthy of his attention, and still less deserving of his love."

Two thoughts: 1) I love the word obliterate, I need to use it more often and 2) Thank you Pascal for that smack in the face.

Such a hard thing to absorb. We chase after things to make us happy and to enjoy the moment, but if we really look at those objects for what they truly are will we find they are mere idols, mere distractions turning our attention away from the "real and solid good"? It's such a tricky dilemma. We know we were made for pleasure and yet it's so easy to make those little pleasures our objects of worship.

I think the answer lies in looking for the better offer that God gives us whatever that may be. To never settle for less than the greatness He can give. That takes a level of balance and a constant vigilance.

Look how Isaiah views it:
15 It is man's fuel for burning;
some of it he takes and warms himself,
he kindles a fire and bakes bread.
But he also fashions a god and worships it;
he makes an idol and bows down to it.

16 Half of the wood he burns in the fire;
over it he prepares his meal,
he roasts his meat and eats his fill.
He also warms himself and says,
"Ah! I am warm; I see the fire."

17 From the rest he makes a god, his idol;
he bows down to it and worships.
He prays to it and says,
"Save me; you are my god."

18 They know nothing, they understand nothing;
their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,
and their minds closed so they cannot understand.

19 No one stops to think,
no one has the knowledge or understanding to say,
"Half of it I used for fuel;
I even baked bread over its coals,
I roasted meat and I ate.
Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?
Shall I bow down to a block of wood?"

20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
"Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"

How easily we can get entangled in serving the things that were meant to serve us? The key is in verse 19. "No one stops to think."

BTW, in case I haven't mentioned I am making my way through John Eldredge's "The Journey of Desire" so a lot of this stuff I am exploring I am getting from that book. There is a great quote by him that goes "To desire is to open our hearts to the possibility of pain; to shut down our hearts is to die altogether."

There is a danger in living passionately. There is the temptation to cross over to the Dark Side and just give in to living for the feeling instead of letting it take you further toward God. The Star Wars analogy has been made again and again and for very good reason. Anakin Skywalker is a passionate man who simply lets his passion distract him from what the bigger picture is. In the same way Luke has to make the same decision. I'll digress for fear of going complete dork mode but you see where I'm going. (Incidently, we see the same thing in Gollum, okay I'll stop).

My hope and my prayer is to keep my eyes open. Right now, they are wide open and seeking. God help me use the wood and not worship the wood.

Chapter 6- Nature Boy

Where did today go? Twas a bit of a blur. I think I got some things done, but to say I kept getting distracted was an understatement. Cleaning my room is an event because I find some old letter or uncover some other thing that needs doing and what should take maybe and hour stretches into a few. Even as I write this I'm letting myself get distracted.

You know, some times you don't feel inspired or motivated and guess what? That's where self-discipline comes into play. It's good to have a balance of both cause sometimes what desire needs is a good fight. Everything worth fighting for will come up against resistance otherwise it's not a fight. So when you feel that inspiration slipping away from your grip, just get it into a figure four leg-lock and dig in.

I started a lesson today for the preteens (which we lovingly call the Shining Stars) exploring what they want and why. It's in the very early stages. I'll tell you how it goes. My hope is to instill in them a belief in their potential and relying on God and others to realize it.

Tonight in my Power Group (not a weight lifting team) we did an "essence workshop" to get a sense of what kind of character we bring to the industry and use it to better market ourselves. Very insightful and surprisingly raw. Everyone opened their lives up to the group. I surprised myself by not being afraid of that vulnerability. Baby steps.

I also decided today that I want to take a trip to Colorado this summer and stay in a fire tower for a weekend. It's an adventure I've been wanting to do for a while now. Now I gotta find someone to go with me. Any takers? You can't be afraid of heights.

Oh, good news today. My friend who I coached last week got a callback for Hannah Montana. I may need to start charging.