Why is it that no matter how many people tell me how talented they think I am and how much they believe in me I just don't believe them? Yet when somebody critiques the work I do, that's the gospel truth? Is everyone else just a bunch of lying-liarpants? The problem with actors, and I imagine with people in general, is we tend to believe the negative perception of ourselves far more than than positive. We can accept the praise graciously, but deep down we just KNOW it can't be true. They've got it wrong. Their view is flawed or their opinion doesn't count for anything because they don't have the fine pallette of artistic taste to give an accurate review (that's meant to be half-sarcastic).
I can't help thinking about those people who audition for American Idol and when asked they say that friends and family say they're amazing and obviously they are not but don't try to tell them that or they'll curse you out and tell you you have no idea what talent looks like. And then they'll storm out of the room and flip everyone off and proceed to make a small fortune off the micro-fame they receive. Delusional. However, maybe they did have people in their lives who actually enjoyed what they had to offer. There has to be some credit in that. If it brings joy to one person then it brings joy to one person.
I guess what I'm saying is thank you for those of you who have supported me and encouraged me and complimented me and continue to do so. I am not exaggerating when I say that I wouldn't be where I am without you. Not that my whole life and trajectory is dependent on what other people say about me. It reminds me of the scripture when Paul says, "Am I here to please men, or to please God?" But the reinforcement helps. Just last night someone commented on how talented I was and it was REALLY hard to just accept the compliment. They also reminded me that when I refuse to believe them not only do I make them a liar, I make God a liar as well.
By the way, this whole season of my life is springing from me taking my acting career seriously. I am doing a workshop with a casting director right now and my emotions are torn. On one hand, it is THE most insightful and helpful workshop I've taken to date. The casting director actually cares that we get what it takes to succeed and that we take away something important from his class whereas most of these workshops its just go in, do a scene, go home. On the other hand, I don't think I'm making an impression on him at all. Which is disappointing because he's a pretty big time casting director and I'd like to be called in by him sometime. From his feedback, I don't get that he's interested in me at all. I mean, one man's opinion, right? Still...
Anyway, on another note, it's helping me to push more in honing my craft. That is definitely a benefit. It's making me aware of some bad habits I have. I'm not as good as I want to be? Great, start learning how to get there. So, I started acting class by the grace of God. Thanks to my roomie who hooked me up with a great teacher and coach to one of my all time favorite actors, Gary Oldman. I know this class is gonna push me and challenge me and I may very well end up in a puddle of my own tears on more than one occasion. But nothing worth achieving ever comes without a little blood, sweat and tears.
I'll tell you what I'm REALLY looking forward to.... Yosemite, next weekend. Ahhhhhhhh....
OH!! And series finale of LOST tomorrow night! WOOOOT!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Chapter 27- Heavy Lifting
No, I did not die. In fact, quite the opposite. I feel I'm being made new each day. Although I will admit I have felt the sting of putting my old self to death over and over again. It's been a regular zombie massacre. Being sanctified is tough business. That sounds really religious, but let me 'splain:
I was reading a passage today from Hebrews 10 and in verse 14 it says "For a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." Being "sanctified" literally means to be set apart. I was meditating on this scripture and of all the things I could relate it to, weightlifting came to mind. I am NOT a weightlifter. I do not pump iron. I do not go to the gym. The thought of lifting heavy things makes me want to vomit. Everything should be made out of titanium alloy. However, the analogy seems the most appropriate. Specifically benchpressing. A person pushes themselves to lift more and more weight as they train. But who is there alongside them every step of the way? The spotter. Every serious lifter knows that in order to get results they have to push themselves a little more every day. A little more weight a few more reps. Yet alone, this can be quite dangerous. You push yourself to the brink you very well may end up getting hurt and/or crushed. The spotter insures that you can give your all without having to fear being crushed. That last heave, pushing with every ounce of strength you have left and you know it's just not enough. That's when the spotter comes in, takes the weight and helps you finish.
Jesus is our spotter. We can only go so far on our own strength. And when we get to those points where we feel there's just no way to go on, where we feel we are about to be crushed, Jesus comes in and takes the weight and insures we make it the rest of the way. And every time we end up stronger because of it. We'll never be where want to be or even where God wants us to be, but we are always where we need to be. Everything we experience is designed to push us closer to what God intended for us. That is what "being sanctified" means. And because Jesus is our spotter, we are perfect. We can never fail.
I have been in that position more often than not over the past few weeks. I have felt the weight of life pressing down. I have felt defeated and crushed. I have questioned God's plan for me and have refused to let go. I have relied too much on my own strength. Thank God for His mercy and patience! Further down in that same passage it says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful" I believe that.
More to come...
I was reading a passage today from Hebrews 10 and in verse 14 it says "For a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." Being "sanctified" literally means to be set apart. I was meditating on this scripture and of all the things I could relate it to, weightlifting came to mind. I am NOT a weightlifter. I do not pump iron. I do not go to the gym. The thought of lifting heavy things makes me want to vomit. Everything should be made out of titanium alloy. However, the analogy seems the most appropriate. Specifically benchpressing. A person pushes themselves to lift more and more weight as they train. But who is there alongside them every step of the way? The spotter. Every serious lifter knows that in order to get results they have to push themselves a little more every day. A little more weight a few more reps. Yet alone, this can be quite dangerous. You push yourself to the brink you very well may end up getting hurt and/or crushed. The spotter insures that you can give your all without having to fear being crushed. That last heave, pushing with every ounce of strength you have left and you know it's just not enough. That's when the spotter comes in, takes the weight and helps you finish.
Jesus is our spotter. We can only go so far on our own strength. And when we get to those points where we feel there's just no way to go on, where we feel we are about to be crushed, Jesus comes in and takes the weight and insures we make it the rest of the way. And every time we end up stronger because of it. We'll never be where want to be or even where God wants us to be, but we are always where we need to be. Everything we experience is designed to push us closer to what God intended for us. That is what "being sanctified" means. And because Jesus is our spotter, we are perfect. We can never fail.
I have been in that position more often than not over the past few weeks. I have felt the weight of life pressing down. I have felt defeated and crushed. I have questioned God's plan for me and have refused to let go. I have relied too much on my own strength. Thank God for His mercy and patience! Further down in that same passage it says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful" I believe that.
More to come...
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