I am heading into a new venture this year and I thought it might be a good idea to blog again to exercise my brain and brush up my skills. And also to document the process of this new project (more on that later). As I logged into the blog, I found this draft I had started back in 2015 that had not been posted yet. I thought it mildly appropriate to include this in this post:
Fits and starts. That is a pretty accurate description of my life. I definitely know what it looks like to start something. I have been fortunate to finish some of those things. However, it's with the fits that I most identify. As in the ones that that I throw when something is just too frustrating to deal with. They may not manifest in physical outbursts, but I can assure you when I feel that things aren't going my way, inside my head I am all flailing arms and legs and spit and slobber.
Even now, as I sit and wonder what it is I want to say, I feel the frustration creep up and the temptation to throw up my hands and say "Nope!"
Consistency is not a strength of mine. It's been 5 years [now 7 years] since I started this blog. My hope was to chronicle the peaks and valleys of my journey. It kind of fizzled after the first 6 months. To be honest, it was not unexpected. I've recognized this pattern in my life and feared it when I started. But the thing is, looking back, I don't regret having started it. I've had the best intentions of getting back in the saddle over the years and even tried to pick up again. I have asked myself why is it so difficult to stay the course.There are many answers. Disappointment, painful seasons, lack of character [starting families]... The truth is its difficult to stay the course in any endeavor. There are so many things in this life that knock us off course. So many distractions. I know I am not the only one with this struggle.
Those words still ring true for me. My sentiments have not changed much over the past couple of years. However, I think the thing that has changed is my surrender.
Life is a series of surrenders.
There are battles I fight on a daily basis. And as I go from one battle front to the next I put up the white flag every day and most of the time I learn something new about God. Or relearn some lessons from battles I just can't seem to stop fighting.
There is a quote that I came across the other day reading one of my new favorite authors, Brandon Sanderson (no it's not because he has the same name as me). It's from a book called The Way of Kings. Fantastic fantasy fiction! I highly recommend it! It reads:
"No accomplishment has substance nearly as great as the road used to achieve it. We are not creatures of destinations. It is the journey that shapes us."
That is THE reason I started this blog! Because my identity is shaped not by my accomplishments but who I am made into through pursuing them!
I am excited to continue writing about my journey. In the coming weeks, I will endeavor to chronicle the process of writing a book with my good friend Seth Jensen.
Stay tuned for the victories and the failures....
