I have not touched this blog in over a year. Its funny, when I started this blog I had vision and I knew it would be hard. But you never REALLY know how hard until it threatens to cripple you beyond repair. I am recommitting myself to documenting this journey of mine because I do believe that God is a God of ALL healing and reconciliation and His name will be glorified at the end of this story. I have a lot to tell. The past year has been hell and I have had some victories and some spectacular failures. God is indeed restoring a fighting spirit within me and I praise His name because it is an answered prayer. I am not fully healed. And I am realizing that the fullness of God is only realized when we make our way home to Him. In the meantime, he promises an abundant life. Not a happy life or a life without pain. Living abundantly means a life teeming with all the ups and downs that this life has to offer.
I have been watching The Pacific, the story of the campaign to drive back the tyrannical invasion of the Japanese in WWII. In it, they depict soldiers who fight with everything they have on the front line. They have their own terrible losses and their own terrible victories. The writers and actors portray beautifully the soul wrenching agony of what it means to fight for something bigger than you. And there is nothing more agonizing than being wounded in battle and taken out of the fight. Even after all of the horrors, as incomprehensible as it may seem, all you want to do is get back on the front lines with your fellow soldiers and fight.
NEW ENTRY 2/15/13
I stopped in the middle of this post for some reason or another, but what I was trying to convey was that same feeling of wanting to get back into the fight. I remember about that series that the soldiers who were injured couldn't help but want to get back in it even from their hospitable beds. In much the same way, I needed some major healing, but it did not stop me from wanting to move forward and fight for my faith and do the great things that God had prepared me for. I needed to learn surrender. And that is what last year was about for me. It wasn't just learning it. It was God infusing me with it. I think we constantly learn new things about surrender as we go through life. Its a lesson that bears repeating because we can't help but put our trust in ourselves and stop relying on God. I don't believe we will understand full surrender in this life. But oh the sweet joy when we experience those moments when we do.
NEW ENTRY 2/15/13
I stopped in the middle of this post for some reason or another, but what I was trying to convey was that same feeling of wanting to get back into the fight. I remember about that series that the soldiers who were injured couldn't help but want to get back in it even from their hospitable beds. In much the same way, I needed some major healing, but it did not stop me from wanting to move forward and fight for my faith and do the great things that God had prepared me for. I needed to learn surrender. And that is what last year was about for me. It wasn't just learning it. It was God infusing me with it. I think we constantly learn new things about surrender as we go through life. Its a lesson that bears repeating because we can't help but put our trust in ourselves and stop relying on God. I don't believe we will understand full surrender in this life. But oh the sweet joy when we experience those moments when we do.
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